New Year, New Caregiver Feelings

With the holidays behind us, many caregivers have mixed emotions about remembering how the holidays used to be, as opposed to how they are now. Many reflect on their feelings and the emotional pain that comes with caring for someone living with dementia. Especially feelings of grief from their loved one slipping away in front of their eyes. The fatigue, the sleepless nights trying to get their loved one to go to sleep, and the guilt of not being able to keep their loved one home; having them go to another place to live, or having a stranger caring for them in your home because it became too much on your own.

Many caregivers share the frustrations of being a solo caregiver with no one else to help. Other family members have gone off and are not providing the support you like or need.

There is no shortage of reasons why caregiving is so challenging – emotionally and physically.

When we are in a dark, down moment, the thing that adds to caregiver pain is the expectation that we are not supposed to have the struggles and pain. That belief or thought going through your mind causes more pain and distress. Trying to feel good all the time usually leads to you feeling negative because it is not humanly possible, and you probably don’t want to feel good all the time. Think about feeling good when someone is sick, hurt, or during the pandemic. Most of us do not want to feel good about those things.

Feeling good is not something we should strive for. It is not a normal human experience. When you allow for grief, it takes a layer of pressure off. It is hard enough feeling sad that your loved one is slipping away and even harder being down on yourself for feeling sad that you need help caring for your loved one. It feels and sounds like a good goal – being happy all the time. But in reality, it is causes a lot of extra pain and distress. Being willing to feel discomfort is a normal feeling.

Sometimes your emotions might rise to a level where you want to explore getting professional counseling or therapy. But sometimes, they rise to the level of being human and being willing to feel that discomfort that you are feeling.

As we enter the New Year of 2024, keep this in mind: DO NOT put the pressure on yourself that you are to feel good all the time, and DO NOT get down on yourself for feeling grief. All of that is going to make your experience harder. Treasure the good feelings and capture the moments for memories.